mauer im kopf

bricks and the stuff in between
angry fetid turgid bland
_terribly_ uncompromising

the faces though,
as they spread across this myopic sea
wouldn’t dare be caught listless!

it’s been years now
but where do i start
and when am i finished?

your violet trembling peach skin
that recalls drowning for the only second it’s pleasant-
it yearns to tremble for nobody in particular-

how this, banal, unbecoming, disillusioned
is what i’m supposed to yearn for
instead of clean proofs, こもれびー *

i am posed against the monolith of hours
the sapient judge of my worth,
and excuses are, as expected, lacking.

but why supplication to this unimpressed god?
stars, though fragile and constant,
really only seem to exist for half a day.

this room, いらないものだらけだ。**

my head, heavy with syrup that won’t slosh.
my heart, filled as it is, spiteful of a head who wont share all the pancakes it so obviously has.

the valve just shuts off half way through anymore.
i don’t know how to reset the timer or anything.
it’s real fuckin’ annoying.

at least we can have lunch tomorrow.

———————————————————————–
*-(komorebi – the light which filters through trees)

**-(iranai mono darake da – filled only with things i do not need)

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something close to expected

the tiny flood
which washes through the cavities in my brain
which fills up those confused parts with mirth
and drains slowly, or quickly, as circumstance demands

it is by itself, alone and uncomfortable,
the prescient martyr
the nagging engineer of faculty
who is ignored by my sanguine arbiter.

what hope is desire laid flat,
what desire is hope made canon?
and what despot causes this mingling?
soon enough, or too long spent, in the maze of Daedalus.

it was your eyes, as ever, that caught me inquiring,
what was the reason that you remembered my name?